20 Lessons in 20 Years of Mothering

So. I officially have a 20-year-old. I don't really know how this is possible, yet I don't really remember exactly how it was before being a mom. I've spent time reflecting on EVERYTHING I have learned over the past two decades. I have learned deep in the trenches. I have learned with tears. I have learned with hope and internal joy. I have learned as a single mom. I have learned because I made so, so many mistakes that hopefully I can do differently now that I'm also parenting a toddler! 

I put together 20 lessons I have learned in 20 years of my daughter's life:

1. You never really stop worrying or thinking about them.

2. You want so badly to be able to fix everything for them, but you simply cannot. (Sometimes you literally can't even if you try.)

3. It's OK if they don't like you sometimes (or all the time sometimes.)

4. You don't know the last time something will be. Every phase ends. 

5. There is no manual. We are all winging this.

6. They aren't you and their story is not your story. Let them freely live theirs. (I specifically learned that not going to college or them not taking all of the "traditional" steps is ok. I really just want them to be happy and to find that happiness within.)

7. Show up no matter what.

8. It's OK to spoil them sometimes. I especially like to surprise and delight. 

9. Don't add fuel to the fire.

10. Letting them make mistakes is tough, but the only way they will learn.

11. Take so much care of yourself. Have people to talk to and fill your bucket.

12. Be the sturdy pilot they need.

13. Give them a safe space to communicate. 

14. Say you're sorry when you mess up.

15. Don't try to respond to emotion with logic. I promise it never works. Respond to the emotion first. 

16. Your number one job is to be their replacement frontal lobe!

17. Love, love, love through everything, through the storms, through the good, through the happy, through your misunderstanding, and through the bad decisions.

18. It's OK to look up to God and cry (and even yell and scream.) You just might have moments like this.

19. Live your own life. Have your own dreams, goals, and aspirations. Show your kids how to achieve them.

20. The seeds that you plant will grow. It's a long game! 

Happy #20 to my first born. The girl who has taught me so very much. In so many ways I was growing up with her. I am so proud of her and everything she's been through, and all the ways she has taken control of her life and helped herself. Those of you who know, know! She will

never do it without love from her mom. ❤️